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You're having an affair, he swears he's going to leave his wife – so far, so predictable. But what if he really did leave her? What are the chances of it turning out happily-ever-after? Not very high, says ELEANOR BAILEY:

You might not remember Rosetta Bain, but she was the woman who stole Anneka Rice's TV producer partner just six months after Anneka had given birth to his son. Rosetta, the high-flying, glamorous mistress, became Tom Gutteridge's new wife – then, three years later, received her comeuppance in spectacular fashion when Gutteridge dumped her for a woman ten years younger.

Questions

• Can an affair turn into a successful marriage?

Rosetta, single again at 47, felt compelled to apologise publicly to Anneka. 'Tom used to tell me that Anneka was neurotic,' she explains, 'and that she tried to come between him and his children from his previous marriage.

'I got to the stage of wondering why he didn't leave Anneka sooner if she was so terrible. Of course, now I realise she wasn't. Now I know he's saying the same sort of thing about me.'

Some mistresses are satisfied with playing second fiddle to the wife - or realistic enough to know that the relationship wouldn't work any other way - but most, like Rosetta, live in hope that one day the situation will change and the man will be all theirs. However making it down the aisle is no guarantee of a happy ending, as Rosetta discovered. Her message to

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the mistress is: be careful what you wish for.

Ruth Houston - a cheated-on wife who exacted her revenge by writing a book called 'Is he Cheating?' and reinventing herself on TV as an infidelity expert both here and in the US - confirms: 'studies show that only three per cent of the cheating husbands who divorce their wives marry their mistresses, and when they do these marriages have a very high failure rate - between 75 and 90 per cent.

'If he cheated with you, he's likely to cheat on you, because cheating is his way of dealing with marital problems. Instead of seeking professional help or trying to communicate with his mate, his solution is to have an affair.'

Serial strayers

Marina Wheeler, wife of the philandering Tory MP and writer Boris Johnson, has been suffering the humiliation of her husband's second very public affair within two years – yet she had formerly played the mistress herself. She became pregnant with their first child while he was still married to his previous wife, so she shouldn't have been totally surprised when he started straying again.

And Francesca Annis must always have known that if Ralph Fienne was capable of leaving his first wife, Alex Kingston, for her, he could do it again - and sure enough her publicist announced their break-up earlier this year after he had an affair with a young singer.

As Sir James Goldsmith famously put it when he divorced Ginette Lery and married Lady Annabel Goldsmith, 'When you marry your mistress, you create a vacancy.' And he was something of an expert in the field, at one stage maintaining three relationships (and families) around the globe.

So can an ex-mistress wife ever really feel safe? 'I felt like I had to sleep with an emotional gun under my pillow – I needed to protect myself at all times,' says Nicky, 35, who married her lover after they had both divorced their spouses.

'When we were having an affair our relationship was so simple - we both went to the same trade shows around the globe. We were together six to eight weeks a year with no strings attached: it was exciting. But when I left my husband, taking our two kids, and moved in with John, suddenly I was the woman at home.

'I couldn't travel as much without having my husband to cover the childcare. So now I was sitting alone for weeks with John away.' And no matter how John attempted to reassure her that he was being faithful, Nicky felt she had no reason to believe him.

'I soon became convinced, if I couldn't get hold of him in the evening, that he was with another woman. Once he caught me checking his mobile phone for received calls and he got really angry. He snapped, 'Don't you trust me?' I felt I was turning into his ex-wife, who I knew he despised for being possessive.

Free

'He had the same bored look on his face that I'd seen when he talked about his ex. Maybe some women can marry their lover and feel confident about it, but I felt like I'd made a pact with the devil. I felt I didn't really deserve to have him all to myself when I'd stolen him from someone else. Even on the day we were married, I was paranoid. It wasn't a joyous occasion.'

The marriage didn't last. Nicky still doesn't know for sure if John was faithful to her, but she doubts it. That fear was enough to causes a rift between them, and she ended up back with her steady first husband.

'The reasons I had an affair in the first place - that I thought my marriage was boring, that my life at home was pure drudge compared to

my life as the mistress - those feelings disappeared completely when I achieved my dream of marrying John.

Mistrust

'It was too much of a roller coaster. The mistrust was too stressful to live with. I couldn't cope. I'm just grateful my first husband gave me a second chance and I've got my family back.'

But the biggest irony is that, even if a mistress marriage is not scuppered by the woman's fear - real or imaginary - that she has fallen for a serial adulterer, then the marriage can just as easily founder for lack of excitement.

After the thrill of an affair - the secret liaisons and romantic weekends abroad - marriage can prove a dull reality, a bit like taking James Bond down the supermarket.

'I was waiting in the wings for David for ten years,' says Marian, 45 years old, sensible, church going and a thoroughly unlikely mistress. 'Finally, when his kids were grown up, he divorced his wife and we married. I was an idiot but I thought it would sort out all my frustrations - no more waiting to see him, no more weekends cancelled at the last minute. I could spend Christmas with him. We could have breakfast together every day.'

In the event the marriage was a disaster and Marian left her lover of ten years after eighteen months of marriage. 'Yes,' she sighs, 'I left him. I thought I knew him inside out after so long, but almost as soon as we moved in together I realised I didn't know him at all. Really I'd only seen the good side - the clean, attentive side.

'After a month of being with him full time I started feeling sorry for his ex-wife. He was such a slob around the house! And he was hopeless at getting anything done - I soon found I was buying his children's birthday cards.

'I had felt guilty about breaking up the marriage, but now I suspect his wife was glad to have him off her hands - they remained on suspiciously good terms. In fact he seemed to get on better with her after they split. And I realised that our part time relationship had worked so well because it was part time.'

'The more you integrate yourself into someone's life, the more likely you are to experience conflict and disillusionment,' says Dr Janet Reibstein, visiting professor at Exeter University, whose research into infidelity reveals that marriages following affairs are particularly brittle, often breaking up faster or not really becoming established in the first place.

'People do not realise how dependent an affair is on the marriage,' she explains. In other words, an affair needs the marriage to keep its lustre, to look good in comparison. People believe that they are revealing their true selves in an affair. All those deep conversations, candlelit dinners and long nights give lovers a chance to share their innermost thoughts in a way that a married couple - with children, work, in-laws and hair removal - never have time for.

However, says Dr Reibstein adamantly, this belief is false. 'They think that by sharing the deep stuff they are showing their real selves, but actually the trivial domestic stuff - such as whether you leave the toilet seat up - probably says more about you.'

Marian's lover David was not being deliberately dishonest by hiding his bad habits for a decade. Part of the allure of an affair, says Dr Reibstein, is that it allows you to believe that you are that more interesting person you show to your lover on your precious, snatched weekends. People deceive themselves that they will continue to be this more attractive self if they end up with the lover full time, which just isn't realistic.

'An affair is just a part of somebody's life,' explains Dr Reibstein. 'It's a response to something that is deficient in the marriage.' If a marriage has become stale, if the passion has gone, an affair can fill that gap.

Stale marriage makes 'affairs seem appealing'

'But once the marriage is over,' says Reibstein, 'the whole complexion changes because the problems of the marriage, that made the affair seem so appealing, are no longer there.' And what works as an affair may not be strong enough to stretch to a full-time relationship.

This was certainly true for Marian. 'I realised on the honeymoon that I had undervalued how important having my own space was. I'd never been with him for two weeks solid before. By the end I was desperate to be on my own.

'I used to think I was lonely without him. Stop and wait protocol. That was why I got involved with a married man in the first place - I'd been single a long time and thought it was that or nothing. I never realized, until I was with him all the time, how much I valued my own company and that

seeing him so irregularly actually suited me very well.

'The upside of all this is that I now really appreciate being alone.'

Welcome to the best Sims 4 mods. These user-created add-ons can expand your game in creative ways. New mods appear all the time on —which has long been the go-to hub for creators—every week. There, you’ll find everything from minor tweaks (like making medicine cabinets ) to complete reworks of major systems. Some modders, including and, have even got so popular that they've created bespoke websites for their growing list of creations.It can be hard to keep track of which of the best Sims 4 mods are working because some of them haven’t been tended to in years, and official game updates can break them or add features that make them obsolete.With that in mind, here’s a collection of the best up-to-date mods for the Sims 4, from the tiny to the virtual life-changing.

Make sure you read the installation instructions for each one, and check for any conflicts to make sure you’re not running two that will clash.To get even more out of the game check out our round-up of. If you want immortal Sims, free houses, and infinite money, check out our list of. Life's Dramaadds a dash of controversy to every neighborhood, with 11 new dramatic scenarios for townie NPCs, some of which you can intervene in. Your Sims might peer out their window to see a couple embroiled in a huge argument, a robber trying to pick a pocket, or a bride running away from her wedding.You can simply enjoy watching it all unfold or, if you're feeling like a good Samaritan, help an NPC in need, such as somebody who's being terrorised by a rowdy gang. Don't worry: you'll be rewarded for your time. You can cause some drama yourself via the new 'Exposing A Loved One' action, which works on Sims that have partners.

Drop the bombshell, and grab some popcorn.Full installation instructions are. The Explore mod. (Image credit: EA)adds a bunch of rabbit hole actions—activities your Sims can do on their own without you following—that activate buffs or improve your Sims' relationships with those closest to them.Once your Sims have visited the DMV for a license or bus pass, you can send them exploring just by clicking on them, which brings up a radial wheel of options. You can send them shopping (they'll come back with new clothes), to dance classes, to local attractions, to gambling spots, to take on some part-time work, and more. Their skills and motives will change based on the activity you choose, and you can tell your Sim to 'Explore With' another character if you want to improve relations.Sims will also randomly explore if you don't intervene, which is neat. The mod works with the base game, but some options rely on specific packs: you can't send Sims for take-out ice cream if you don't own the Cool Kitchen Stuff pack, for example. Private Practice.

(Image credit: EA)This ambitious wants to overhaul healthcare in the Sims 4, adding health insurance, optometry, pharmaceuticals, more diseases and plastic surgery. It's not fully-formed yet—right now, it lets your Sims get health check-ups, lets you monitor their health, and adds a new health sciences career—but it's well-made, and it's worth getting on board early.It also comes bundled with Nies' Cooler Sickness Mod, which adds off-screen NPC illness progression. The mod synergises particularly well with the Get To Work expansion, which introduced new illnesses: with this mod, those illnesses add new moodlets with strong effects, and your Sims can call in sick for work when they have these moodlets.

Meaningful Stories. A containing some of prolific Sims 4 modder roBurky's best work, all aimed at making your Sims feel more human.

If you've used Emotional Inertia or True Happiness—both previously on this list individually—then you'll attest to the quality of roBurky's work, and both of those mods are in the package alongside other must-haves.Emotional Inertia, redesigned just for this collection, stops your Sims' moods flipping on and off like a light switch. In the base game, simply having a good meal in a well-decorated room fills them with joy for a few hours, but then the feeling vanishes. Emotional inertia makes moods less predictable, but more stable: they'll change less and last longer, making it more difficult to game the system. True Happiness, meanwhile, changes your Sims' default state from 'happy' to 'fine'. Making them happy actually requires something special to happen, such as meeting a new partner, which will boost their mood considerably for a short time.But Meaningful Stories is more than just these two well-liked mods.

It also changes how the environment, such as paintings, impacts your Sims' moods. The effects are now more subtle and build up over time. It also stops extreme mood swings, so that instead of going from extreme happiness to sadness your sim will move through the natural, neutral in-between stages. Lastly, it creates more variable moodlets, meaning the same source of mood can give stronger or weaker effects at random.Modder roBurky has other features in the pipeline, which you can read about on the. Make sure your sims look awesome with the right now.Players are adding new every week, so if you’re ever looking for inspiration on which direction to steer your Sim in, give it a browse. The imagination behind them is impressive, and most of them give you a fully-fleshed out path to follow. Whether you want to become a, or, you can now follow your dreams.

We especially enjoylike transforming our sim from a lowly PR assistant to the owner of a sports team in the, which is a converted version of a career from The Sims 3: University Life.A word of warning: these custom careers won’t work with most career overhaul mods, such as Turbo Careers—but don’t let that put you off. Custom food interactionsIf you want more culinary creativity, then is the only place you should start. It doesn’t add any ingredients or recipes to the game—it just adds new possible interactions to cooking equipment along with a framework that lets you craft a fridge-full of custom meals from other modders’ kitchens.With it installed, you’ll want to head over to the ModTheSims and pick from the menu. You’ll find recipes for everything from to, to. Grab an optional bib to make sure you don’t accidentally salivate on your keyboard.Some players are having trouble with custom food since the June 2019 patch, but it seems to be fixable by deleting specific recipes, usually the jambalaya from Louisiana Style Recipes 2—just delete the jambalaya.package file (Heart Cookies is another potential red flag).

Have Some Personality Please!This is one of our favourites on the best Sims 4 mods list. It's a huge overhaul of—as you can probably guess—the way Sims’ personalities work. It changes lots in the background (read the description on the for an exhaustive list) but the best thing about it is that it eliminates all idle conversations. Never again will two Sims blab aimlessly to each other about nothing in particular: instead, they’ll be forced to choose an interaction, which is far more interesting.Those interactions aren’t random, either: the mod will select them based on traits, moods and the existing relationships between the two Sims in question, which will give them a greater sense of autonomy than ever before. Expect more kisses from love interests—and more sucker punches from your enemies. Become a SorcererDo you miss the magic of previous Sims games?

Adds a hearty serving of the supernatural, letting your Sims sling magic spells that can either suck the sadness out of a friend or strike down an enemy with a bolt of lightning.You just need to touch lump of clay, choose one of three rituals—they’ll determine which Needs are replaced with new magical ones—and get to casting. Using magic strengthens your powers and unlocks new spells, but it also depletes your “Magical Connection” (a mana bar, basically), and you’ll have to drain either yourself or another Sim to replenish it.Depending on your choices, you’ll lean towards good or evil, which changes the type of spells you can cast. Do-gooders can eventually bring ghosts back to life, but if that doesn’t sound like fun, just set fire to a table instead. If you’re bored of your current playthrough, then this is bound to liven it up.New personality traitsMany of the best Sims 4 mods affect the ways Sims interact with each other. The Sims 4 has a that change the way a Sim behaves, and because they’re relatively easy for modders to create you can quickly expand that list through custom content. The trait, for example, makes your sims better at baking and adds new moodlets to help them express their love of cake, while the lets you spawn human-machine hybrid Sims, or just full-on robots who must visit a recharging station every few hours.There are tonnes of from modder KawaiiStacie, or of hobby-themed traits, which makes your sims artisans, horticulturalists or movie buffs.Want to try out several new traits at once? Lets you add more than three traits at a time: you just need to type a quick cheat code including the name of the desired trait to add it to your Sim.

It’s all explained on the mod page.Build your own houseboatIf you’re tired onf living on land then this mod lets you take to the water, transforming the game’s decorative boat models into full-on houseboats. They look pretty, and the limited space means you’ll have to get creative with what furniture you try to pack into them. It’s a good choice for a minimalist designer. For a download link alongside instructions on building your first boat. Old French Village.